1 00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:02,915 CAMERON: Welcome. 2 00:00:02,959 --> 00:00:05,962 Most of you know me as Acting Vice Principal Tucker, 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,224 but today... 4 00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:11,098 I am your guide to the future. 5 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,708 [imitating echoing] The future...the future. 6 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:15,450 Okay, so you didn't take my note on the echo. 7 00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:17,104 Mitchell, I can't take another negative voice in my head. 8 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,497 I'm already freaking out about Principal Brown. 9 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,109 I kind of have a bully at school. 10 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:24,894 You gonna eat all that? 11 00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:27,723 -I-I guess not. -PRINCIPAL BROWN: Okay. 12 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,116 Saw your plans for the seminar tomorrow. 13 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,508 Oh, you like it? 14 00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,119 Y-You know, I think the kids will really benefit 15 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,337 from hearing from four graduates 16 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,296 that have taken such different paths. 17 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,733 I've got traditional college, gap year -- 18 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,169 PRINCIPAL BROWN: Wrong! 19 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,910 We're pushing onepath here -- college. 20 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,781 Well, yeah, but college isn't necessarily 21 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,435 the right path for every-- 22 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,568 Tucker, are you familiar with the term "Golden Apple"? 23 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:47,569 I am. 24 00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:48,570 I'm a little surprised 25 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:50,093 it's made its way into the straight vernacular. 26 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,921 It's still illegal in Alabama. 27 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,575 No, no, no, Golden Apple status is awarded to schools 28 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,143 that reach a minimum of 60% college acceptance. 29 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:57,144 If we dip below that, 30 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:58,971 I'm back to teaching night school. 31 00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:00,451 If you think the lunch ladies are mean, 32 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,932 you should meet the dinnerladies. 33 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:03,976 Yeah, but what about the students that -- 34 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,761 Play ball, Acting Vice Principal Tucker, 35 00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,328 and you might just find yourself -- 36 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,329 Vice principal? 37 00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:10,766 Mm-hmm. [muffled laugh] 38 00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,507 I just don't know if I can preach something 39 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,378 that I don't believe. 40 00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:15,553 -Ha! Play ball. -Seems like a thing 41 00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,338 no one was saying, and now everyone is. 42 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,339 You know what I'm doing right now? 43 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:19,905 I'm making 100 cupcakes 44 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:23,126 because the D.A. lost his caterer for his kid's party 45 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,475 and asked if I could help out. 46 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:26,956 But if it puts me, uh, higher up on his radar, 47 00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:29,263 then so be it. 48 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:30,394 I'm just saying 49 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,962 sometimes you need to compromise to -- to get ahead. 50 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,572 Maybe it's ourtime now. 51 00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,008 Ooh, I like that. 52 00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,445 Hey, world, 53 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:38,707 there's a newpower couple on the horizon. 54 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,361 -Yeah. -Cam and Mitch. 55 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:41,536 Citch -- 56 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,407 -No. -No, that sounds weird. 57 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,843 -Mam -- -We'll find it. 58 00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:51,894 ♪♪ 59 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:02,339 Hey, Dad, our video conference is about to start. 60 00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,340 Can we make it fast? 61 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:04,733 I have that sales meeting offsite. 62 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:07,344 Hence the power threads and box of cigars. 63 00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,259 Whoa! Dad, it's 10:00 in the morning. 64 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391 -Mm. -CLAIRE: Ohh! 65 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,827 I don't swallow it. 66 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,003 He smells it on my breath, he lets his guard down. 67 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,613 In 20 minutes, I'm taking him in a way 68 00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:17,180 that would make a prison guard blush. 69 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,181 CLAIRE: [groans] 70 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,704 It's the way gentlemen do business. 71 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:22,359 Well, I am sorry to ruin your Glengarry, Glenlivet fun, 72 00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,231 but that meeting got canceled. 73 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,189 What? I was looking forward to it. 74 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,451 Nick took care of it by Skype this morning. 75 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,584 Log on. Our meeting's about to start. 76 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:35,024 -[tone beeps] -Okay, let's begin. 77 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,504 So, Nick, where are we 78 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,245 with the interactive closet with the voice prompts? 79 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,811 NICK: Here's a demo. 80 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,987 Went with a Christopher Walken soundalike voice. 81 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,425 VOICE [as Christopher Walken]: Forecast is...chilly. 82 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,253 Put...on some pants. 83 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,819 NICK: I think we all fell in love with the idea 84 00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:49,647 of calling it aWalken closet, 85 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,432 but this just isn't working. 86 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:54,435 Hey, Claire, I don't see your dad on the video conference. 87 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:57,307 Damn it! My computer's busted again. 88 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,048 Or your caps lock is on. [sighs] 89 00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,442 JAY: Can't we have this meeting in the conference room? 90 00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,139 You know, where we all sit around a table, 91 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,793 there's a nice breakfast spread? 92 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:07,622 I am tired of having to keep cream cheese in my desk. 93 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:09,014 Dad, you know why we do it this way. 94 00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:11,016 We have people working here. 95 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,017 We've got people working from home. 96 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,324 We've got people working all over the world. 97 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,239 Tiffany is in Berlin at KlausetSchvarg. 98 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,241 They still have that conference? 99 00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,851 I thought they shut that down in the '80s 100 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,332 after we used that sweater hutch to smuggle that dissident out 101 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,464 during East KlausetSchvarg. 102 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,423 You're good. Just talk into the camera. 103 00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,120 [footsteps departing] 104 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:30,035 Hoo! Sorry about that. [laughs] 105 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,515 NICK: All right. 106 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:32,647 How about an update on our 3-D printing? 107 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,475 I think everybody knows Eduardo. 108 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:35,476 Jay, have you two met? 109 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,129 JAY: I can't see the camera! 110 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,522 Dad, you're, uh... 111 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,307 you're kind of smushed up against it. 112 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,308 You might want to 113 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,397 just step back a skosh. 114 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,007 [chuckles] 115 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,400 Using a 3-D printer to manufacture our closets 116 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:47,749 will triple revenue. 117 00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,141 I can't hear you! 118 00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:52,319 Volume up, Dad. 119 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:53,668 NICK: In our first year alone -- 120 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,844 What the hell?! 121 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:56,845 Dad, "undo." Just -- 122 00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,455 JAY: I know! I know! 123 00:03:58,499 --> 00:04:00,544 Double-click. 124 00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,764 GLORIA: ♪ Happy birrrthday 125 00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:03,765 ♪ Mr. Closet --♪ 126 00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,157 -CLAIRE: No! -JAY: No! 127 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,638 Have your stupid meeting! I'm outta here! 128 00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,338 Margaret, I'm going to the park across the street. 129 00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:12,295 -I need a walk! -[laughter] 130 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,079 JAY: Aah! 131 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:18,083 Thank you so much for helping out with Joe. 132 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,433 You don't think it's too flashy? 133 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,696 What are you talking about? You're taking a magic class. 134 00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,437 You want to show them you're serious. 135 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,309 It's abracadabra, not abraca-drab-ra. 136 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,310 GLORIA: [gasps] 137 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:30,400 Look at that! An open casting call. 138 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:33,490 Excuse me, what is this for? 139 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:34,883 We are looking for real families 140 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,972 to be the new faces of the Glen Valley Mall. 141 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,887 You guys are adorable. Want to sign up? 142 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:39,888 Oh, we're not a-a real -- 143 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:41,585 Oh, we would loveto! 144 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:45,154 What a cool and a spontaneous thing to do! 145 00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,156 I saw that poster last week. 146 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,463 It kind of reminded me of a long time ago 147 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,552 when I used to do a little modeling. 148 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:52,988 I guess I miss it. 149 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:54,946 I tricked Phil into going to the mall 150 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,471 because I knew that Jay wouldn't do it with me. 151 00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,212 Oh, come on, guys. This is gonna be so much fun. 152 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,649 I don't know. 153 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,825 This kid in my class did a cough syrup commercial. 154 00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:06,001 Now he's always going to the teachers' lounge 155 00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,394 to call his manager. 156 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:08,482 He's the worst. 157 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:11,049 And I teach a real-estate class at 5:00. 158 00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,268 I have to show up early to limber up. 159 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,878 Um... 160 00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:16,620 I think that this could help a lot with Joe's self-esteem. 161 00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,579 He's had a rough week. 162 00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:21,930 You know how they treat kids that are into magic. 163 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,497 Oh, you tell him when he gets to high school, 164 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:24,585 that all changes. 165 00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,848 I don't like lying to him. 166 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,197 Look, this isn't really my thing, 167 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,807 and I'm -- I'm feeling a little under the weather. 168 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,592 Don't -- Don't I look a little pale? 169 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,245 We will do it! 170 00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,899 Great. 171 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:37,032 Our P.A. will set you up with wardrobe for some test shots. 172 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,773 Hey, team. Can I get you anything? 173 00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,645 Uh, coffee? Water? Still or sparkling? 174 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,777 Ooh, I-I'd take a sparkling. 175 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,648 Talent wants sparkling. 176 00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,041 [gasps] Did you hear that, Phil? 177 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:47,869 -They call us talent! -[laughs] 178 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,566 Let's not get carried away. We're still reg-- 179 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,439 I said sparkling. 180 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,528 [indistinct conversations] 181 00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:55,746 Well, looks like you're gonna get 182 00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,531 a pretty solid turnout, Tucker. 183 00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,010 Now close the deal. 184 00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:01,056 Hey, what is, uh, "whanex"? 185 00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:03,406 It's the way the kids say "What's next?" 186 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,538 If you want to reach them, 187 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,409 you have to learn to speak their language. 188 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,063 Massive screw-up at the print shop. 189 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:10,500 I-I have no idea how it happened! 190 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,980 Yeah, that's right. The banner should read... 191 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:13,111 [muffled] "whanex." 192 00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:16,419 Okay. Yeah, "whanex." Uh-huh. 193 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,857 Welcome, students, to the first annual "whanex" seminar. 194 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:22,556 Let's, uh, just jump right into it and meet our panelists. 195 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:26,255 We have two bright, young people who chose the college path 196 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,561 and two wayward souls 197 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,476 whose mistakes we can only hope to learn from. 198 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,478 'Sup, Dolphins? 199 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:34,132 [scattered applause] 200 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:40,312 Nick, I'm so sorry about my dad this morning. 201 00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,313 -Hi. -Please forget it. 202 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:43,098 -We've got a bigger problem. -Hmm? 203 00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,709 We have to find a new voice for the virtual closet assistant. 204 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,929 We're thinking...female. 205 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,670 Yeah, I was wondering about that myself. 206 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,062 MIA: Hold on a second. 207 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,152 Claire has a great voice -- commanding but alluring. 208 00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,719 Oh, come on. I don't know about... 209 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:56,851 [sultry voice] ...alluring. 210 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:57,939 You're right. 211 00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,462 You're right. I can totally hear it. 212 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:00,637 [normal voice] Guys, guys... 213 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,639 [sultry voice] ...you're embarrassing me. 214 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,467 Where have you been hiding this? 215 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,599 [normal voice] Within half an hour, 216 00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:06,904 I had recorded all the voice prompts 217 00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,297 for the new smart-closet, 218 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,298 and they installed it 219 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,865 in the prototype right in the office. 220 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:14,390 Everyone seemed really happy, but I don't get it. 221 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,522 I mean... 222 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,785 [sultry voice] ...a voice is just a voice. 223 00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,832 CLAIRE [normal voice]: Oh, good. Dad, you're back. 224 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:25,967 Please step into our new smart-closet prototype. 225 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:26,968 So you can yell at me 226 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,404 for bailing on the meeting this morning? 227 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,710 Just -- You'll see. 228 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,539 Oh. 229 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:33,975 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I help choose an outfit for you? 230 00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,367 'Cause I'm some old fossil 231 00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,108 that still puts on a suit to go to work? 232 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,502 -VIRTUAL CLAIRE: Let's start over. -Why don't we?! 233 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:40,677 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: What level of comfort 234 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:41,896 are you looking for? 235 00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,899 Same thing I've had for the last 40 years -- 236 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,378 a workplace where you interact 237 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,076 with actual people every once in a while, 238 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:49,425 like we're doing right now. 239 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,340 I used to love sales calls. 240 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:52,776 Now we don't even do them anymore. 241 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,299 I mean, put yourself in myshoes. 242 00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:55,910 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: Dress or casual? 243 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,346 Why do you sound like Lauren Bacall?! 244 00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:58,521 [laughing] I don't understand. 245 00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,957 Right, because now, like everything, 246 00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,785 my references are old and out of step. 247 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,221 Why are you yelling? 248 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:05,572 If you don't get it by now, you're never gonna get it! 249 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,661 Well, somebody'spanties are in a bunch. 250 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,924 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I offer you a different pair? 251 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,492 That's just weird. 252 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,190 [whirring in distance] 253 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,105 Ooh! Very good. 254 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:18,759 -[click, whirring stops] 255 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,325 MITCHELL: I had an hour to make 100 cupcakes 256 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,762 -for my boss's son's party. -[cellphone chimes] 257 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,328 But it was all gonna be worth it. 258 00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:24,634 He was gonna be so grateful, 259 00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:27,158 the next big promotion would be mine. 260 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:29,030 You ungrateful monster! 261 00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,598 Two sisters, two paths. 262 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,121 Graduation... 263 00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:34,557 procreation. 264 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,646 The world on a string -- 265 00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:39,344 a baby and no ring. 266 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,782 Uh, you -- you said you were happy for me. 267 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,958 You said a baby would bring me limitless joy. 268 00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:44,915 And a limited bank account. 269 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,569 Now, Manny, no one can doubt 270 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,615 the real-world value of an art degree, 271 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,921 but talk a little bit about the exciting social scene. 272 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:51,835 It's funny you ask. 273 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,358 I went to a wine and cheese mixer 274 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:54,925 at the Dean's house the other night. 275 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,580 He collects instruments of indigenous people. 276 00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:58,625 And by the time we killed 277 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,409 the last bit of a chewy Zinfandel, 278 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:02,977 our jam sesh started to sound more like a didgeri-don't. 279 00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,848 [chuckles] 280 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,284 Thank you. 281 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,025 Could I please pipe in here? 282 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,157 Yes, please. Alex. 283 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,462 I genuinely appreciate 284 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,073 the opportunity to come back here, 285 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:15,859 where I had the pleasure of serving as co-valedictorian, 286 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,165 to offer a message of hope 287 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:21,735 to those oft-marginalized overachievers out there. 288 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:26,522 I...see...you. 289 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,829 Well, I can't be the only one with goose bumps in here. 290 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,700 -[cellphone ringing] -Oh. Excuse me. Oh. 291 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:31,701 [ringing stops] 292 00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:32,746 Yes, let's open it up for questions. 293 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,443 Right here in the front row. Go ahead. 294 00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,097 I still don't get "whanex." 295 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,621 It sounds like my grandparents' long-distance carrier in Oregon. 296 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:39,666 -[cellphone ringing] -Okay, okay. 297 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,058 You know what? I have to take this. 298 00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:43,104 Uh, Luke, Haley, talk a little bit about 299 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,845 how you still live at home with your parents. 300 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,846 [light applause] 301 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,238 Hey, what's up? 302 00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,283 CAMERON: I'm in the middle of my thing. 303 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,806 -[clank] -Flip what I said before. 304 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,460 Start talking up the dummies. 305 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:52,983 What? 306 00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:54,419 MITCHELL: Um, I just got a text from work. 307 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,726 My boss gave that big case to someone else! 308 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,685 Meanwhile, I'm still on the hook 309 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,208 for these stupid cupcakes! 310 00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,339 [exhales sharply] 311 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,646 M-My heart is racing, my -- my hands are numb. 312 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,693 Plus, I-I think I have a case of airborne diabetes! 313 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,652 Wait. Are you saying I-I should -- 314 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:10,827 Look, if those college application numbers fall, 315 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,742 Principal Brown, he gets fired. 316 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,788 Guess who's up next. Principal Tucker. 317 00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:16,006 [gasps] 318 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,834 I've never dared dream of such a thing. 319 00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,096 MITCHELL: More money, 320 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,707 better parking space, 321 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,796 plus you get to pick the prom theme. 322 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:25,494 I could finally make my Enchanted Bayou a reality. 323 00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:27,583 Okay, t-talk -- talk soon. 324 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,063 MANNY: What's great about art school 325 00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:31,152 is that a lot of the faculty work in the industry. 326 00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:32,893 My film studies professor 327 00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:35,286 has led tours at every major studio. 328 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:36,810 All right, thank you, Manny. 329 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,725 And for those of you still awake, 330 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,683 I think what we've learned here today is -- 331 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,468 college, a dead end. 332 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:46,167 [audience murmuring] 333 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,734 [camera shutter clicking] 334 00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:48,822 Okay, up next. 335 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,867 Philip, Gloria, and Joe. 336 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,129 Same setup. 337 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,348 Dad playing catch with his son. 338 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,697 Mom laying out a picnic. 339 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:55,829 PHOTOGRAPHER: So, just real natural. 340 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:56,830 Like I'm not even here. 341 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:57,918 You got it. 342 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,139 Maybe not so sexy. 343 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,359 -My bad. -NANCY: He was talking to Mom. 344 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,622 You can just lay out the food in a normal way. 345 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,885 Copy that. No divas here. 346 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,497 Her head is doing something weird. 347 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:13,585 Can we straighten that up? 348 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:14,761 Hang on, guys. 349 00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,327 [whispering] 350 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,721 [whispering] Why are they whispering? 351 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,940 You think I look too young for you? 352 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,768 Why? Are my crow's feet showing? 353 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,857 I knew makeup was going too light on the concealer. 354 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,728 Guys, we're just mixing and matching today, 355 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:28,165 so we're thinking about swapping out one of you. 356 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,645 No, we're a team. 357 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,865 You get rid of one of us, and you lose allof us. 358 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,736 -It's the kid. -Okay. 359 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,000 I thought this was supposed to be for Joe. 360 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,872 Well, obviously, he's terrible at it, 361 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,613 so how is that gonna help him with his self-esteem? 362 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:42,789 Hi, I'm Tyler. 363 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,616 -[both whispering] -GLORIA: Oh, this is not good. 364 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,922 Tyler, don't get too comfortable. 365 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,184 NANCY: I think we want to try something different. 366 00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:49,012 Hey, Sean, could you step up here? 367 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,971 I'm so sorry, Phil. 368 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,320 No, we want to look at two dads. 369 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:54,191 [laughing] I can't play the kid. 370 00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:55,802 Looks like you're out. Here we go. 371 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:56,803 -Sean, was it? -Yeah. Hey. 372 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,543 -How are you? -Good. 373 00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:01,242 Hmm. Not feeling that chemistry. 374 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:02,678 Maybe we should kiss? 375 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,636 We could just wait for them to tell us what to do. 376 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,334 Let's try Sean and a mom. 377 00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:07,378 GLORIA: Move, Phil. 378 00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:09,293 NANCY: No, we meant Lydia. 379 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:13,820 All right, almost there. 380 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,517 Hey, Joe, hop up here for me. 381 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:20,217 Yes! That'sour family. 382 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,784 The new faces of Glen Valley Mall. 383 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,265 Everyone else can go. Thank you. 384 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,397 Nice working with you guys. 385 00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:29,052 I have an audition across town. 386 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,751 -For what? -Do they need grownups? 387 00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:36,190 All right, we've heard from our college-going sheep. 388 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:39,410 Now, Luke, you wisely took a gap year, 389 00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:42,936 got a job, made mad stacks, and invested a little, correct? 390 00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:43,937 Totally. 391 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,853 I own 300 microrubels, 392 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,898 a Russian cryptocurrency I heard about on Facebook, 393 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,465 which currently, you can only use 394 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,946 to buy a Chechen party drug called Frankenstein. 395 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,469 Okay, Haley, uh... 396 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:57,864 hot boyfriend, job, baby on the way -- 397 00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:58,865 You seem to have it all, 398 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:00,040 yet you took a very different path 399 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,041 than your older sister, Alex. 400 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:01,998 I'm younger! 401 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,565 Oh, wow. Okay. 402 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,872 I guess that's why they call studying "the new smoking." 403 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,003 -[laughs] -No one says that. 404 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,526 Can I add -- 405 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,267 I'm sure you can, but it won't help in the real world. 406 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,008 Anyway, thank you all for coming. 407 00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,097 Have a good afternoon. Take care. 408 00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,185 Cam, what the hell? 409 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,360 I learned a lot. 410 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,885 Tucker! 411 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,104 I wasn't picking up a lot of Uber fares, 412 00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,018 so I came back here early 413 00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,890 and I heard the end of your little presentation. 414 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:25,108 I know what you're trying to do. 415 00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,458 Hey, I just need to talk to him for -- for one second. 416 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,851 Hey, hey. Guess what. 417 00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:32,072 I just dropped off the cupcakes at my boss's house. 418 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:34,857 Turns out he -- he didn't give me the case I wanted 419 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:37,120 because he had an even better one for me. 420 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,556 Really? T-That's amazing. 421 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,644 And he didn't want me to makecupcakes. 422 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:41,864 He just wanted me to recommend a new caterer. 423 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,736 [laughing] So we had a big laugh about that. 424 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:47,565 But just goes to show, don'tplay games. 425 00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,219 Do your job, and you'll be recognized. 426 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,351 Yeah, but you said -- 427 00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,569 No, ah! Forget what I said. 428 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,876 T-There's no one path to success. 429 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,270 I mean, that'swhat you should be telling these kids. 430 00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,924 Yeah, that's what I was going to tell these kids -- 431 00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:58,925 PRINCIPAL BROWN: Damn it, Tucker! 432 00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,970 I can't hold my alpha power stance this long. 433 00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:03,146 My calves are starting to cramp. 434 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,801 -Okay, well, first of all -- -No, can it! Okay? 435 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,020 You thought you could bury me 436 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:08,325 by killing college applications, 437 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:09,674 didn't you? Hmm? 438 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,720 I will clean out my half of the desk that I share. 439 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:12,982 Oh, no, it's -- I'm so sorry. 440 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,505 T-This is -- This is myfault. 441 00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,159 I tried to play ball at work. 442 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,596 There was a lot of unnecessary baking. 443 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,250 D-- The point is, 444 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:23,036 I- I put these ideas into his head, so... 445 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,037 Oh. 446 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,560 So you're so weak and without conviction 447 00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,954 that somebody suggests some stupid idea to you 448 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,172 and without even thinking, 449 00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:30,957 you just abandon all your values 450 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,046 and fold like a cheap Chinese fan, huh? 451 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,613 Yes, sir. I am a worm. 452 00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,920 That is exactly what I'm looking for. 453 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,704 No threat to me at all. [chuckles] 454 00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:42,142 Well, congratulations, permanent Vice Principal Tucker. 455 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,143 -Really? -Yes. 456 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,361 Thank you! I love you! 457 00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:45,710 I love you, too. 458 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,974 Now, first order of business -- fix what you did here. 459 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,063 You are gonna give me a Golden Apple. 460 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,064 Hey, hey! 461 00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,804 We are in a committed relationship! 462 00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,502 No, no, no. It's not the same thing we saw at Pepper's bachelor party. 463 00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:55,633 -It's not? -No. 464 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,724 After fighting with everybody all day, 465 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:02,945 I was starting to think maybe... Iwas the jerk. 466 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:05,208 So I ended up back at the old office, 467 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,731 you know, trying to figure out 468 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,430 what it was about going to work there 469 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,127 that I loved so much. 470 00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,219 JAY [on TV]: Congratulations. 471 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,655 You've been hired at 472 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,527 Pritchett's Closets, Blinds, and Waterbeds. 473 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,007 I'm Jay Pritchett. 474 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,399 Welcome to the team. 475 00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:24,053 -[cheers and applause] -JAY [on TV]: You hear that? 476 00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:25,837 They're cheering for you already. 477 00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:29,189 That's something we value here -- teamwork. 478 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,234 And whether you're in sales or shipping 479 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:33,410 or one of those cute tomatoes in the steno pool, 480 00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,238 you're important, 481 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:37,023 'cause we're family here. 482 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:40,026 Wait a minute! Who's this new employee? 483 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,244 CLAIRE: It's me -- Claire, Daddy. 484 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,768 Oh, right! It's Claire! 485 00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:45,596 -[laughs] -[clatter] 486 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:51,689 Nice hands. 487 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,562 Reminds me why our softball team never won a game. 488 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,694 Look who they let out of the fancy corporate office. 489 00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:59,349 Hey, that wife of yours get smart and leave you yet? 490 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,221 Eh, actually, she did. It's been rough. 491 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:02,483 KENNY: Oh. I -- We didn't know. 492 00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:03,788 -LOU: Geez, I'm so sorry. -JAY: Ah, you mutts, 493 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:04,876 I'm screwing with you! 494 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,877 Where's she going? 495 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:08,619 [laughter] 496 00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,492 CLAIRE: I knew my dad was going through something, 497 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,494 and when I saw his car at the old office, 498 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:15,278 I-I stopped by to check on him. 499 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,150 JAY [on TV]: Are you feeling shy, Claire? 500 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:20,022 Uh...yeah, I guess I am a little. 501 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,023 Um... 502 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,633 How old are you? 503 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:23,634 CLAIRE: You're right. 504 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,158 Just come out and say it. 505 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:26,463 Um... 506 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:29,249 I'm worried that you're unhappy we sold the company 507 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,598 and you're blaming it on me. 508 00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:31,860 JAY [on TV]: You're making that face 509 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,296 like you have to go potty. 510 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,907 [exhales sharply] I'm anxious and -- 511 00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,170 How can you even see my face? 512 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,433 She's my daughter. 513 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:40,825 She thinks she runs the place. 514 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:41,826 [chuckles softly] 515 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:47,310 [laughter in distance] 516 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,529 [laughter continues] 517 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:49,965 TIM: You said he wouldn't do it. 518 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,836 JAY: You're damn right, I did it. 519 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,142 Boss is still the best, huh? 520 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:55,666 [laughter] 521 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:58,060 My dad was homesick. 522 00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:01,063 That is one photogenic butt, Jay. 523 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,978 Take it with you. You can kiss it at home, too. 524 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,199 [laughter] 525 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,287 -Hey, guys. Hi. -CALVIN: Hey! 526 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,288 Hi, Dad. 527 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,550 Hey, what are you doing here? 528 00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:11,508 I, uh, saw your car. 529 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:13,510 Look...[sighs] 530 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,251 I know you've been frustrated at work lately. 531 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,687 Don't worry about that. 532 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,080 You're doing great, though, huh? 533 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,300 Yeah, I kind of love it. 534 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:23,346 But it doesn't feel right if you hate it. 535 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,306 Dad, we can bail on the whole thing. 536 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,220 You know what I need to bail on? 537 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:30,353 Being such a little peach. 538 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,572 -Hmm? -JAY: What? 539 00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:32,573 They bruise easily. 540 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:33,878 It could be an expression. I don't know. 541 00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:36,359 The point is, when I was here, I reached out more. 542 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,579 I made videos greeting people. 543 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,363 I built realrelationships. 544 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,148 Those three guys -- I knew two of their names. 545 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:45,716 I think maybe I need to try to be a little bit more like you 546 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,241 and give this new thing a chance. 547 00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,460 You know, they're not so bad when you get past the -- 548 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,333 the hipster beards and the sweaty handshakes. 549 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,204 Tell me about that printer guy, Eduardo. 550 00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:56,988 What the hell is 3-D printing anyway? 551 00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:58,294 Look at you trying. 552 00:17:58,338 --> 00:17:59,904 Oh, Dad! 553 00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:02,342 Okay, 3-D printing is when you take three lasers 554 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,126 and you can scan any object you want. 555 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,259 You -- You want to 3-D print your butt, don't you? 556 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:07,825 We want them to like me, don't we? 557 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:10,132 [sighing] Ohh... 558 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,352 Okay, baby, have fun at your play date. 559 00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:13,266 I'll pick you up in two hours. 560 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,267 [seatbelt clicks] 561 00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:17,052 Can you believe I'm a model now? 562 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,185 Crazy world. 563 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:21,056 -See you, buddy. -Bye, baby. 564 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,057 JOE: Bye, Mom! 565 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,232 [car door closes] 566 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,973 Gosh, I'm so happy for that kid. 567 00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,410 [chuckling] Yeah, we keep saying that. 568 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,196 I feel, uh, silly I got so invested in modeling 569 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:33,155 for some mall poster no one's ever gonna see. 570 00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,417 You want to feel better? 571 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,071 I'll show you something 572 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,726 that is gonna make me look more pathetic than you do. 573 00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,858 I think I said "silly," but, um... 574 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,338 yeah, okay. 575 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,387 That was me 20 years ago. 576 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,867 PHIL: [laughs] That's amazing. 577 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:51,434 But what are you so upset about? 578 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,306 You're just as beautiful now as you were then. 579 00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:55,525 Aww. I know. 580 00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,614 It's just that it was a time in my life 581 00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:03,446 where I was out there hustling, modeling, driving a taxi, 582 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:06,449 selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs outside a nightclub. 583 00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:07,407 [chuckles] 584 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,452 Seeing them taking it down 585 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,889 made me feel like that version of me 586 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,326 is gone forever. 587 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,763 So that's why you wanted to start modeling again. 588 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:19,419 I just miss being passionate about something again. 589 00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:21,986 The way that you feel passionate about real estate. 590 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,466 -Mm. -You always seem, like, 591 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:27,122 so alive, making new deals, meeting new people. 592 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,430 Have you ever thought about becoming a Realtor? 593 00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,128 -Who hasn't? -That's true. 594 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,609 I bought a book one time to learn how to do it, 595 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,350 but you know how it is. 596 00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:41,005 Sometimes in life, you just get stuck. 597 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:43,007 I think you'd be great at it. Really. 598 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:44,487 I'd buy anything from you. 599 00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:46,315 I'm thinking about getting my chompers bleached, 600 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:47,403 and there's only half of you up there. 601 00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:50,014 -Really? -Yeah. 602 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:53,017 GLORIA: It can be scary to ask yourself what's next. 603 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,629 All the doubts start to creep in. 604 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,675 Are people going to like me? 605 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:00,068 Ooh, still hot. 606 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,461 Thank you! 607 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,376 I throw a tractor tire around the backyard 608 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:04,855 a couple days a week. 609 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,074 ♪♪ 610 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:11,035 GLORIA: Can I handle the challenge? 611 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,385 WOMAN: Dude. 612 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:15,257 ♪♪ 613 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,955 GLORIA: You can ask these questions forever, 614 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,480 or you can just take the first step. 615 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:23,526 Here is your five-point checklist for any open house. 616 00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:24,658 Number one -- 617 00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:25,876 [velcro rips] 618 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,053 Sorry, professor. 619 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:31,230 ♪♪ 620 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,538 CLAIRE: Phil, honey. What are you doing here? 621 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,496 Hey, I thought I'd surprise you 622 00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,106 and take you out to dinner. 623 00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,412 -Ooh! -[chuckles] 624 00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,283 Spontaneous. You know I like that. 625 00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:43,329 Well, um, let me just make sure everybody's gone. 626 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,417 I'll grab my bag and lock up. 627 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,548 Awesome. 628 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:52,163 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I help you with your clothes? 629 00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,469 Ooh. 630 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,776 I guess we are the only ones here. 631 00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:58,344 VIRTUAL CLAIRE: Perhaps we'll start with the pants. 632 00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,345 Wow. 633 00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:00,346 [belt rustles] 634 00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:01,564 Normally, you like a little... 635 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,305 slow shirt unbuttoning, 636 00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:07,309 but I guess we... are cutting to the chase. 637 00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:08,484 CLAIRE: [scoffs] 638 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,094 Dad, are you still looking for a place 639 00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:11,444 to leave that butt? 640 00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:12,749 It's so gross. 641 00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:14,403 There's nothing better for office camaraderie 642 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:15,361 than a practical joke. 643 00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:17,363 It lifts people's spirits. 644 00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:18,364 Mm. 645 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:23,499 Well played. 646 00:21:28,504 --> 00:21:31,290 --Captions by VITAC-- 647 00:21:31,340 --> 00:21:35,890 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0